Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Picture For Today

The Current Asylum Administration

.










Hat Tip; Eric @ Motor-mouths

Tangier Bone Mystery Solved


Skeletal Remains Return from Medical Examiner

The Accomack County Sheriffs Office received information from the Medical Examiners Office in Norfolk, Virginia regarding the aged skeletal remains found on Tangier Island last week.

According to Sheriff Larry Giddens, the remains have been confirmed to be that of a human body and have been declared by the medical examiners office to be prehistoric with a time of death estimated at 75 to 150 years ago.

According to Sheriff Larry Giddens, on Wednesday, January 27, the Accomack County Sheriffs Office received a report from the Virginia Marine Police regarding skeletal remains that were found in a box near a dumpster on Tangier Island. The aged skeletal remains were transported by the Investigations Division to the Medical Examiners Office in Norfolk, Virginia.

The remains are believed to be of a historic gravesite on the island of Port Isobel by Tangier residents. The findings of the medical examiner reinforce this belief.

http://www.shoredailynews.com/

PETA Protest At NASA Today

By Ted Shockley
Staff Writer

WALLOPS — Three volunteers from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wearing cardboard masks caged themselves in front of a NASA Wallops Flight Facility sign Wednesday to protest a radiation experiment on squirrel monkeys.

Two other PETA representatives held protest signs along the Chincoteague Road site as some driving by pointed, stared straight ahead or took photos of a rare Eastern Shore appearance by the Norfolk-based international animal-rights group.

“People are totally surprised that NASA is still radiating monkeys when they could be testing humans who have been to space,” said David Shirk, a PETA campaigner.

Ashley Edwards, a Washington D.C.-based NASA spokeswoman, said none of the monkeys are at Wallops and they won’t be harmed.

They will be housed at a national laboratory in New York where they will receive a dosage of heavy ion radiation equal to what would be received by an astronaut on a trip to Mars, she said.

The proposed study would exceed federal safety guidelines and the effect on the monkeys’ central nervous system will be studied over a four-year period.

“We would not test on primates unless we felt it was absolutely necessary to do so,” said Edwards.

Afterward, they will be cared for and live out the rest of their natural lives. “They’re not going to be sick,” she said.

There were scattered similar protests across the country.

At the Wallops intersection, the PETA representatives caused a stir, arriving in a yellow van painted with criticism of McDonald’s restaurants, calling the chain “McCruelty.”

The van temporarily parked in a handicap-reserved space at Ocean Deli while organizers set up foldable animal cages across the street from a Royal Farms convenience store. They later moved the van.

Three climbed into cages, later banging against the sides and impersonating the animals.

Their goal, Shirk said, was “urging NASA to use more modern methods instead of experimenting on animals.”

One man in a red Dodge pickup truck rolled down his window to heckle the group.

“Hey, I like animals. They taste great next to the potatoes,” he shouted.

Shirk acknowledged that some make similar statements. But more, he said, feel differently.

“Most people are compassionate and recognize animal cruelty,” he said.

www.delmarvanow.com


I rode over that way this afternoon but was too late. PETA had already packed up their cages and had left the area. I was going to ask one of them about the more "modern ways of experimenting". Just what is that?

PETA Plans Protest At NASA

HAPPENING TODAY/ RIGHT NOW!!!!

WALLOPS — People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals at noon Wednesday will protest against what it claims is a plan by NASA to use squirrel monkeys in a radiation experiment.

The protest will be held at the NASA Wallops Flight Facility’s Visitor Center on Route 175. It was announced to media on Tuesday afternoon.

The PETA members will be wearing monkey masks while locked in small cages while they hold signs that read, "No Tax $ for Animal Abuse" and "Stop Radiation Tests on Monkeys.”

After exposing the monkeys to the radiation, NASA plans to subject the animals to years of additional laboratory experiments in order to observe how the radiation devastates their brains and bodies, PETA claims.

www.delmarvanow.com

~~~The Mar-Va This Weekend~~~

The story of Michael Oher, a homeless and traumatized boy who became an All American football player and first round NFL draft pick with the help of a caring woman and her family. Starring Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw.

If you call please leave a message!

Get your tickets now! We expect a great turnout!

**Sponsorships are available for this movie. Email Emily for details.**

More Snow!


More snow is in the forecast for this weekend. Although it is still uncertain at this time, meteorologists say some parts of the state could be seeing more double digit snow fall this weekend. The Eastern Shore right now is expecting snow throughout the day on Saturday with no accumulations and snow Saturday night that could accumulate up to an inch.

It has been an active season this year for weather. After multiple occasions of flooding in the fall and now several snowfalls, this snow storm expected this weekend could put another layer of snow on top of the 2010 Snowstorm of last weekend. Temperatures will rise into the forties during the days this week, but will not exceed thirty degrees during any nights.

Stay tuned to WESR for closings, cancellations and postponements throughout the week and for live up to date weather coverage.

VIA WESR

Closings, Delays for Wednesday Feb. 3rd

BERLIN HEAD START 2 HOUR DELAY


CAMBRIDGE CHRISTIAN ACADEMY CLOSED


CAROLINE COUNTY SCHOOLS CLOSED


CHESAPEAKE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL CLOSED


DELMAR SCHOOL DISTRICT CLOSED


DORCHESTER CO. SCHOOLS CLOSED


DOVE POINTE CLOSED


EASTERN SHORE JR ACADEMY CLOSED


EASTON HEAD START CLOSED


EDEN HEAD START CLOSED


FAITH BAPTIST SCHOOL CLOSED


GUNSTON DAY SCHOOL CLOSED


HOLLY GROVE CHRISTIAN 2 HOUR DELAY


MOST BLESSED SACRAMENT 2 HOUR DELAY


QUEEN ANNE'S CO. SCHOOLS CLOSED


SAINTS PETER & PAUL/EASTON CLOSED


SALISBURY CHRISTIAN SCHOOL CLOSED


SALISBURY SCHOOL CLOSED


SALISBURY UNIVERSITY 2 HOUR DELAY


SEASIDE CHRISTIAN ACADEMY 1 HOUR DELAY


SNOW HILL HEAD START 2 HOUR DELAY


SOMERSET COUNTY SCHOOLS 2 HOUR DELAY


ST. FRANCIS DE SALES -SBY CLOSED


ST. MICHAELS HEAD START CLOSED


STOCKTON HEAD START 2 HOUR DELAY


TALBOT COUNTY SCHOOLS CLOSED


WASHINGTON COLLEGE 2 HOUR DELAY


WESLEYAN CHRISTIAN SCHOOL CLOSED


WICOMICO CO. SCHOOLS CLOSED


WICOMICO DAY SCHOOL OPENING AT 9 A.M.


WORCESTER CO. SCHOOLS 2 HOUR DELAY


WORCESTER PREP SCHOOL 2 HOUR DELAY

More Closings/Delays HERE

Some Virginia Closures and Cancellations


Head Start Programs both counties closed today however, staff should report at 9:00 A.M.

Accomack County Public Schools Closed today


Holly Grove Christian School 2 hour delay

Central Baptist Academy 2 hour delay

Eastern Shore Community Board open and on-time today

Agape Christian Center closed today

Eastern Shore Area Agency On Aging Senior Centers (only) will be closed today

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Accomack County School News




Accomack County Schools have released the following statement in regards to schools tomorrow:

Because of the uncertainty of the weather tonight and the current condition of the back roads and town streets a decision regrding whether the Accomack County Schools will open tomorrow or remain closed will not be made until approximately 6:30 AM tomorrow morning.



(Better start working on that homework!)

"Don't ask - don't tell" Gates, Mullen: Military Gay Ban Should be Lifted


Defense Secretary Robert Gates said Tuesday that he supports President Obama's decision to seek the repeal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy prohibiting gays from serving openly in the military and has appointed a "high-level working group" to figure out how to do it.

Gates, in testimony before the Senate Armed Services Committee, announced that Gen. Carter Ham, who leads U.S. Army forces in Europe, and Pentagon General Counsel Jeh Johnson will lead the review, according to Fox News. The defense chief called for an "implementation plan" by the end of the year.

"I fully support the president's decision," Gates said. "The question before us is not whether the military prepares to make this change, but how we ... best prepare for it. We have received our orders from the commander in chief and we are moving out accordingly."

The military's top uniformed officer also declared Tuesday that gays should be allowed to serve openly in uniform, arguing that it is "the right thing to do."

Adm. Mike Mullen's statement was the strongest yet from the uniformed military on this volatile issue, although he stressed that he was "speaking for myself and myself only." He told the Senate Armed Services Committee Tuesday he is deeply troubled by a policy that forces people to "lie about who they are in order to defend their fellow citizens."

Mullen said he knows many will disagree about abandoning the "don't ask, don't tell" policy and said there are practical obstacles to lifting the 1993 ban. But he said he thinks the military can handle it. Mullen is chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and chief military adviser to President Barack Obama.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates told the panel he is tapping his chief legal adviser and a four-star Army general to lead a landmark study on how the military would lift its ban on openly gay service members.

Pentagon counsel Jeh Johnson and Gen. Carter Ham, who leads Army forces in Europe, will conduct the yearlong assessment.

Ham is a former enlisted infantryman who rose through the ranks to eventually command troops in northern Iraq in 2004 and hold senior positions within the Joint Staff. Recently, he helped conduct an investigation into the shootings by a soldier at the Fort Hood Army base in Texas.

As the Pentagon's top legal counsel, Johnson has played an integral role into the effort to try to close the military prison in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Gates' announcement marked a measured step toward President Barack Obama's goal of eliminating the military's policy against gays, which is based on a 1993 law.

Ham is a former enlisted infantryman who rose to command troops in northern Iraq. Johnson, the Pentagon's general counsel, played an integral role in the effort to close the military prison in Guantanamo Bay.

________________________________________________

McCain Against Changing Policy On Gays in Military


Sen. John McCain is bristling at the Pentagon's decision to launch a yearlong study into allowing gays to serve openly in uniform, saying he is "deeply disappointed" and calling the assessment "clearly biased" because it presumes the law should be changed.

McCain, the top Republican on the Armed Services Committee, said the current policy is not ideal, but that it has been effective.

His remarks were in direct contrast to Adm. Mike Mullen, who said it was his personal opinion that lifting the ban was "the right thing to do." Defense Secretary Robert Gates suggested that lawmakers should stand down from the process until the military can get a better handle on how to proceed. He told the panel: "Keep the impact it will have on our forces firmly in mind."





I guess this is next?

Picture For Today

Governor appoints six members to sex-offender advisory board

Well more liberal BS for our state!
Governor; the people of Maryland want sex offenders sentenced to DEATH, not sent to the luxury of a nut house like your appointed Father-in-law so believes that an SO should be treated and I quote;
"O'Malley's father-in-law, has studied sex-offender reforms for years and favors civil commitments"

Look here for the definition of civil commitments, we the people will not stand for this type of grandstanding and your thinking we "regular people" will never understand your liberal ways. Wrong!

We also will not stand for any sex offender receiving "lifetime supervision" as you propose, we want the death penalty, period.

How are you going to supervise a SO while in their own home Governor? Don't you know that most SO victims are victims of someone that lives in the same house? Of course you do, you just do not care.

I could go on and on about this piece, but I'll refrain, for now. This is a slap in the face to all victims of an SO

Vote the liberal SO protecting Governor out come next election.

Gov. Martin O'Malley announced Monday the appointment of six members to the newly revived Sexual Offender Advisory Board, which had lain dormant since being established by law in 2006.

Last week, O'Malley tapped former Attorney General J. Joseph Curran Jr. as the board chairman. Curran, who is O'Malley's father-in-law, has studied sex-offender reforms for years and favors civil commitments for certain predators.

The appointees are Michele J. Hughes, director of a nonprofit domestic violence victim support center; Dr. Annette L. Hanson, a psychiatrist at Clifton T. Perkins Hospital Center; Karla N. Smith, a family violence prosecutor in Montgomery County; David Walsh-Little, a Baltimore public defender; Laura Estupian-Kane, a licensed psychologist who focuses on the assessment of adolescents who have committed sexual offenses; and J. Patricia Wilson Smoot, a deputy state's attorney in Prince George's County.

"I am confident that their combined knowledge, background and expertise, and their advocacy of our legislation to impose the strictest standards of supervision of sex offenders will help strengthen our efforts to ensure that Maryland's children are protected," O'Malley, a Democrat, said in a statement.

The board's main purpose, an O'Malley spokesman said recently, is to promote legislation that will refocus its own mission. The governor activated the board as some lawmakers questioned why it hadn't been meeting over the past four years and why it failed to produce a required report recommending sex-offender reforms.

O'Malley is seeking several sex-offense revisions this year, including required lifetime supervision for violent and repeat offenders. Lawmakers have focused on sex-offender reform this year in part because of the December abduction and killing of 11-year-old Sarah Foxwell on the Eastern Shore. A registered sex offender is a suspect in the crime.

VIA


Hat Tip: S.R.

What Is Silver Alert?


I received a phone call earlier this afternoon from someone headed north on Route 50 asking me what a "Silver Alert" was. I wasn't really sure until I looked it up. The Maryland State Police have been using this since October 2009. Similar to the Amber Alert it can be a useful tool in finding older persons or persons with disorders. This is going to be, I am sure, a most wonderful program.
Please read this:

"Patterned after the AMBER Alert program for missing children, if the situation warrants, state or local police investigating the disappearance will contact the Maryland State Police Silver Alert coordinator. The Maryland Emergency Management Agency will request an emergency alert through all Maryland police departments, media outlets and 911 centers.

The State Highway Administration will post alert information, including a description of the person and the vehicle he was last seen in on overhead highway signs in the area where the missing person was last seen. Information may also be broadcast on the Highway Advisory Radio network.

The Silver Alert program is the result of legislation introduced in the Maryland General Assembly by Delegate Benjamin Kramer and Sen. Rona Kramer, both of Montgomery County.

“Our new Silver Alert program gives us a coordinated way to communicate information about a critically missing person quickly and to as many people as possible,” Maryland State Police Superintendent Col. Terrence Sheridan said.

“This alert system is designed to reunite families,” said Maryland Department of Human Resources Secretary Brenda Donald. “There are few things more disconcerting for a family than to have its elderly member go missing.”

In order for an alert to be issued, the following criteria must be met:

• The missing person must suffer from a cognitive impairment, such as Alzheimer’s or dementia.

• The person’s disappearance must pose a true threat to his health and safety.

• The missing person must be traveling in a vehicle and there must be enough descriptive information about the person and the vehicle for police to issue an alert.

• The investigating police department has already activated a local alert by contacting media.

• The missing person has been entered into the National Crime Information Center database.

When a person goes missing and circumstances do not warrant a Silver Alert, law enforcement will still do everything possible to find the missing person.

The Maryland State Police will provide any assistance necessary for search and rescue operations. This will likely involve the deployment of K-9 units. State police bloodhound teams find dozens of missing persons each year, some of whom are senior citizens who have walked away and become lost.

Maryland State Police helicopters will also be available for search and rescue. They are equipped with infra-red cameras that help find people even in remote areas. State police also has specially trained search teams that can track people on foot in all types of terrain and surroundings."

www.missingpatient.com

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CUZ

IF today is your birthday RAISE YOUR HAND!!!!!




HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CUZ!


From all of us too cheap and too forgetful to buy a card!!!

PETA Wants Robotic Groundhog




Animal-rights group PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) wrote a Jan. 21 letter to organizers of the annual Groundhog Day spectacle in Punxsutawney, PA, demanding that the live groundhog used each year on Feb. 2 be replaced by a robotic version, USA Today reported Wednesday.


The paper showed a letter written by Gemma Vaughan, a PETA "Animals in Entertainment specialist," to Bill Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, in which Vaughan appeals to him to "make the compassionate decision to use an animatronic Phil and retire the live groundhogs who are used for Groundhog Day activities to a sanctuary."


Vaughan goes on to say that the groundhogs "become stressed when they are exposed to large, screaming crowds; flashing lights from perhaps hundreds of cameras; and human handling."


In response, Deeley told the Associated Press that Phil is kept in a climate-controlled environment, is inspected annually by the state Department of Agriculture and is "being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania."



http://www.foxnews.com/

That's telling them, Mr. Deeley! And he's right! Phil is the most celebrated groundhog of today and has been for many years. PETA, if you want to do something for your "ethnical treatment of animals" why don't you spend some money on making donations to the SPCA's across America? If PETA people had more than a pea for a brain they would know that the public would not be attracted to this event year after year if groundhogs were being abused! Give normal people some credit. PETA, the people will let you know when animals are being abused. But good luck getting your robotic groundhog.

GROUNDHOG DAY


Punxsutawney Phil Predicts Six More Weeks of Winter


Punxsutawney Phil, right, is held by Ben Hughes after emerging from his burrow on Gobblers Knob in Punxsutawney, Pa., to see his shadow and forecast six more weeks of winter weather Tuesday, Feb. 2, 2010.(Gene J. Puskar/AP Photo)

Groundhog Day festivities started as early as 3 a.m. as a crowd gathered on Gobbler's Knob in Punxsutawney, Pa. The fireworks display started at 6:30, followed by the members of the Punxsutawney Inner Circle announcing Groundhog Day birthday wishes.

Punxsutawney Phil had a deal for those who couldn't make Gobblers Knob for his annual call of the winter: Text "Groundhog" to 247365.

The pudgy prognosticator apparently has a nose for the value of social networking. If you send the text, you'll receive a copy of his forecast delivered to your mobile. The Pennsylvania Tourism web site also offered a live webcast of the morning's event through to the groundhog's debut on VisitPa.com. You were also able to keep up with the crowds on Facebook and Twitter.

Monday, February 1, 2010

SNOW DAY

CLOSED TUESDAY!!!

ACCOMACK COUNTY PUBLIC SCHOOLS

Broadwater Academy Closed
Shore Christian Academy Closed
Eastern Shore Community College open at 10 AM







Worcester County Schools Closed Tuesday

Another school day off kids, all Worcester schools are closed Tuesday February 2nd.

Have fun

Queen Pelosi Requisitioning Military Air Travel for Her Family


The audacity of Barack Obama could only be exceeded by the audacity of Nancy Pelosi. Doug Ross reports on how the military have been commandeered as common chauffeurs for Pelosi's children and grandchildren -- even on flights containing no congressional members.

It appears that this is all costing the American taxpayer millions of dollars, especially since Queen Palousy is only reimbursing the government for the flights at a bare minimum:

"Military flights cost between $5-$20 thousand dollars per hour to operate. Pelosi only reimburses the government between $120-$400 per flight. You and I pick up the rest of the tab with our tax dollars.
It's all perfectly legal, of course - or is it? Even if it is, perhaps we should start asking why a politician's children and grandchildren should have their travel subsidized at taxpayer expense?"

This post lists requisition forms and food/beverage receipts that are sickening to behold and this post lists numerous additional requisitions back to 2007.

Not only is this a violation of her oath to run the most uncorrupt Congress in the history of the universe. It is a slap in the face of every American who is footing the bill. What's more, San Fran Grand Nan and her husband are multi-millionaires several times over -- and yet she still prefers to suck the coffers of government dry and ask Joe and Jane Average to cough up yet more in taxes to cover it.

VIA

Picture For Today

Winter Classes for Women

AT THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER


REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Thursday
January 28, 2010
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM
.

Class 1

Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat

Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..


Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.


Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM


Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum
.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.



Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield
.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.

Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Hat Tip; Kack

Miss Virginia Crowned Miss America

Caressa Cameron, a twenty-two year old native of Fredericksburg, Virginia has won the Miss America crown title for the year 2010.

A broadcast journalism student at Virginia Commonweallth University wants to get her master's degree and become a news anchor. But before she does that she must fulfill her year as Miss America traveling extensively to raise money for charity. Her platform will be on AIDS education.

"I hope to gain inspiration, I hope to gain momentum so that when this 365 days is over, I can shoot through the moon," Cameron told The Associated Press.

Judges in the Miss America contest were Rush Limbaugh, Vivica Fox, jazz musician Dave Koz, Miss America 2002 Katie Harmon, gynmast Shawn Johnson and former "American Idol finalist Brooke White.

Other previous Black Miss America's include Vanessa Williams who was replaced by another Black woman, Suzette Charles. Following that Debbye Turner was crowned followed by Marjorie Vincent, Kimberly Aiken, Erika Harold and Ericka Dunlap.

Way to go! Miss Virginia!!!!



Sunday, January 31, 2010

Ready For the Thaw Yet?



The Eastern Shore is paralyzed this morning following the snowstorm that dropped as much as 9.5 inches of snow yesterday. The snow was originally predicted to have amounted to about 4 inches started falling early Saturday morning and before it ended early this morning, roads were blocked and events cancelled all over the area.

VDOT crews are manning the snow plows but attempting to keep Rt. 13 clear is a daunting task. As far as the back roads are concerned, many are impassable and you are urged not to attempt to drive on them unless absolutely necessary. Adding to the problems are the winds, predicted to be as high as 20 mph today which will cause drifting in many open areas and will keep the road crews busy.

Throughout the Eastern Shore, churches have cancelled services and it is fairly safe to assume your church will not have services today.

This is the worst snow storm in over 20 years. State spending cuts have resulted in VDOT being only able early on to try to keep RT. 13 and perhaps the roads leading to the towns. It will take warmer weather to get the snow and ice off the back roads and thats not expected until mid week.

School Closings

DE BETHEL CHRISTIAN SCHOOL - LEWES CLOSED MONDAY
VA BROADWATER ACADEMY CLOSED
MD CAMBRIDGE CHRIST ACADEMY SCHOOL CANCELLED MONDAY
DE CAPE HENLOPEN SCHOOL DIST CLOSED
MD CHESAPEAKE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL CLOSED
MD COUNTRYSIDE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL CLOSED MONDAY
MD CRISFIELD CHRISTIAN ACADEMY CLOSED
DE DELMARVA CHRISTIAN H.S. CLOSED MONDAY
MD DORCHESTER CO. SCHOOLS CLOSED
DE EAGLE'S NEST CHRISTIAN SCHOOL 2 HOUR DELAY
VA EASTERN SHORE COMM. COLLEGE CLOSED MONDAY
MD EASTERN SHORE JR ACADEMY 90 MINUTE DELAY
DE EPWORTH CHRISTIAN SCHOOL CLOSED MONDAY
MD FAITH BAPTIST SCHOOL CLOSED
MD HOLLY GROVE CHRISTIAN CLOSED
DE HOWARD T. ENNIS SCHOOL CLOSED
MD HURLOCK HEAD START CLOSED
DE INDIAN RIVER SCHOOL DISTRICT CLOSED
DE JEFFERSON SCHOOL CLOSED
DE JESUS IS LORD CHRISTIAN ACADEMY CLOSED
DE LAUREL SCHOOL DISTRICT CLOSED MONDAY
DE LAUREL SCHOOL DISTRICT 12 MONTH EMPLOYEES 2 HR DELAY
MD MOST BLESSED SACRAMENT CLOSED MONDAY
MD OPEN BIBLE ACADEMY CLOSED
MD SALISBURY SCHOOL CLOSED
DE SEAFORD CHRISTIAN ACADEMY CLOSED/PTS MEETING POSTPONED
DE SEAFORD SCHOOL DISTRICT CLOSED
MD SEASIDE CHRISTIAN ACADEMY CLOSED
MD SOMERSET COUNTY SCHOOLS CLOSED MONDAY
SPLASH DAY SCHOOL CLOSED MONDAY
MD ST. CLAIRE HEAD START CLOSED
DE SUSSEX ACADEMY A&S CLOSED
DE SUSSEX TECH SCHOOL DISTRICT CLOSED
MD TALBOT COUNTY SCHOOLS CLOSED
MD WORCESTER CO. SCHOOLS CLOSED/STAFF DO NOT REPORT
MD WORCESTER PREP SCHOOL CLOSED

Closings

Local Closings

CLICK HERE

Picture For Today

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029


Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .


White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped...

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Lichtenstein. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 pounds.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year In Mexifornia and Floruba.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.




Saturday, January 30, 2010

Great Job Pocomoke and Worcester County!!

In a post below I mentioned that I would be out and about helping people that may be stuck, slid of the road, stranded etcetera.

We were out for hours and obviously most people remained off the roads. During the worst part of the storm the Pocomoke City Public Works crew were in full force clearing the roads, at that time the snow was falling at such a rate that by the time they plowed a street from one end to the other the snow would cover it again yet the Pocomoke crew kept the roads passable and as safe to travel as humanly possible.

I traveled most roads from the Virginia line to Salisbury, The highway, and many secondary roads. In my travels it was plain to see that Maryland had every piece of equipment they had trying to keep the roads as safe as possible.

Worcester county roads were by far the best, cruising the Pocomoke forest it was very clear when I entered Somerset and Wicomico counties as their roads were covered in snow. Worcester county's Whitesburg road (Old Pocomoke Rd.) was completely clear of any snow they had a grader clearing the Pocomoke forest roads while Somerset's Dividing Creek road was a complete mess along with other Somerset roads. Accomack county had not touched their secondary roads and the highway in Va was just so-so.

As for the Cities, Pocomoke was by-far the best cleared and the safest, most were completely passable, Pocomoke had the only town that cleared a path for two lanes. Fruitland was probably the worst.

Great job Pocomoke and Worcester county.

MORE CLOSINGS FROM ACCOMACK COUNTY

Eastern Shore Short Circuit Horse Show Association has rescheduled its banquet for February 20th

Soup Day at Bethel Baptist Church- Cancelled

Accomack County Parks & Rec Basketball at Nandua Middle School- Cancelled

Eastville Fire Company Bingo for tonight- cancelled

Northampton Landfill- closed today

Onley Community Health Center- closed

Main Station in Cape Charles and Exmore- closed today

ES Animal Hospital- closed at 10:00 AM

Bluegrass Gospel Concert at Belle Haven UMC- rescheduled February 21st at 3:00 PM

Food Bank Thrift Store- closed

H&R Block Onley- closed

Liberty Tax Service- closed today, open 12-5 Sunday

Accutax Income Tax Service- Closing Saturdy at 1:00 PM

Purdue 2nd Shift Ground Chicken- No Work Tonight

Mar-Va Theater

The "Woodstok Nation" show scheduled for tonight at the
Mar-Va Theater has been


CANCELLED DUE TO THE WEATHER !!!!

Accomack County -- Virginia

People, believe me when I tell you that the roads aren't safe for driving. Please use some sense and stay home or wherever you are. These photos were taken a few hours ago when driving was horrible enough and by now conditions have gotten much worse.

Besides, most stores down here have CLOSED! Please stay home where you are safe. Don't risk it just because you think you need to go to the store! And maybe if each one of us stays home those that are working may be able to get home sooner


White out conditions!!!! Eight inches or more of snow where I am. The winds have picked up and the snow is drifting badly.

The temperature in 19 degrees! Please stay home. Stay warm. Stay alive.
It's not worth going out onto the roads.



If You Haven't Noticed, IT'S SNOWING!!

Listening to the scanner the plows in Pocomoke cannot keep up with the falling snow, police vehicles across the county are getting stuck and and travelers are sliding in ditches everywhere.

If you have to go out please be very careful and drive with caution, leave a lot of extra distance between you and the vehicle in front of you, if you have a 4x4 don't think just because it's a 4x4 you can drive it like you stole it in this weather.

The best practice in heavy snow while driving is to drive like you have an egg between your foot and the accelerator/brake peddles and you don't want to crack the egg.

I will be out looking for people/civil servants that are stuck or in ditches to give them assistance in this very cold weather.

If you are in the local area and need a hand give me a call @ (410) 726-6925

IF YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY CALL; 911

What's Wrong With This Letter

This is an actual copy of a letter sent from the SS administration, can you find the irony in this?

1000 ways to die, canned



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSCWp_0GkJo

Want A Dog? Worcester dogs rescued from 'squalid' conditions

I would like to have the Pug or a Min-Pin... If anyone has the urge for a new or an additional pet here's your chance.
From


Eight dogs have been rescued from a Pocomoke-area property after Worcester County Animal Control was alerted to their dismal living conditions, police said.

The animals were found living "outdoors in squalid conditions for an extended period of time," according to a statement from the county government. Chief Deputy Doug Dods of the Worcester County Sheriff's Office did not specify the property where the dogs had been living.

"The pictures I was given, I wouldn't want to show you," Dods said. "The conditions were such that it met the requirements for animal control to intervene."

However, there are no animal neglect or cruelty charges pending against the dogs' former owners, Dods said.

"It was not malicious," he said of the conditions at the property. "It was just a situation that escalated, and the people couldn't help it. We've been getting a lot more of those, where it's not malicious. Some of them are just economically getting in over their heads and they just don't want to call it quits."

Several farm animals were also removed from the property by the Maryland Department of Agriculture, Dods said. Animal Control officers started an investigation of the property after receiving a tip about the condition of the animals.

The county is now looking for homes for the two Pomeranian mixes, three min pins, a pug, a Jack Russell terrier mix and a wire hair. All seem to be in good health and have been treated by a vet since being taken from the property.

While there is space for the eight small dogs in the county kennels, Dods said he would like to find new homes for each as soon as possible.

"We know there are folks out there that are toying around with the idea of getting a dog, but haven't found one that will fit their lifestyle," he said.

Animal Control also said new owners may need to put time into training the dogs and providing for their comfort.

"We would like to see these little guys go to good homes," Chief Animal Control Officer Sue Rantz said. "These dogs are very affectionate and would make great companions for senior citizens or others who can devote time and attention to them."

For more information on the dogs, contact Worcester County Animal Control at 410-632-1340.

VIA; DelmarvaNow.com


Friday, January 29, 2010

Maryland Prepares Roads for Snow


Maryland State Highway Administration got an early start treating the roads Friday.

Crews were out in full force trying to get a head start before any precipitation arrived.

Truck after truck loaded up with salt as winter weather was on the way.

Two honks meant the truck was full and ready to go, but before the trucks would take action, other trucks prepared the roads by spraying a liquid.

Wayne Weichmann at Maryland State Highway Administration said, "It's a mixture of water and salt and what we do, it's liquid , we spray it out and as the water evaporates it leaves a film of salt on the roadway."

All of the drivers had specific routes to cover. Some salt brine trucks focused on the highway.

Driver Lyonell Purnell Sr. said, "We are going to be pre-treating all of the concrete roads, so before the storm even comes we're going to pre-treat it so it won't freeze up so fast."

Once the trucks sprayed the roads, the salt trucks prepared for their departure and the plows are the last to head out.

Crew members said they were ready for action.

"We'll be ready on call, matter of fact, there is work before we even get here, so there will be a safety thing for us," added Purnell.

The public can make the road crews' jobs easier by staying off the roads once the winter weather arrives, so crews have more room to work.

Snatched; WBOC.COM

Virginia Braces For Snow Storm


TEMPERANCEVILLE, Va.- Virginia's Department of Transportation said crews are prepared for this weekend's winter weather.

VDOT said 245 pieces of snow-fighting equipment will be available throughout Accomack and Northampton counties, and in Hampton Roads.

VDOT said crews will respond to road conditions at the first sign of snow.

In Accomack, crews will focus on Route 13 and 175 before responding to secondary roads, according to VDOT.

"Usually our goal is after the end of a [snow storm] we hope to be able to have traffic and our equipment on those [secondary] roads within 24 to 48 hours after the snow fall ends depending on the depth and the severity of the storm," said Chris Isdell, an operations manager with VDOT.

Isdell said crews will be placing a mixture of sand and salt on roadways to prevent icing.

Snatched; WBOC.COM

Volunteer at Md. school charged with sexually abusing male teen


Montgomery County Police have charged a 24-year-old woman who was a volunteer at a Germantown high school with sexually abusing a male student.

Jennifer Glad of Germantown was arrested Friday and charged with four counts of sexual abuse of a minor and four counts of a third-degree sexual offense. She is being held on $25,000 bond.

Police say the parents of a 15-year-old student at Seneca Valley High School in Germantown became suspicious that their son was involved with an adult volunteer. They contacted school administrators, who called police.

Officers say the alleged sexual encounters took place in Glad’s car away from school property.

VIA; DelmarvaNow.com

Where is Christine Sheddy?

It's been much too quiet for months now on the case of the missing mother Christine Sheddy.

A Delaware resident visiting friends that lived on the outskirts of Pocomoke city that vanished without a trace over two years ago.


All of a sudden the uproar has died as fast as it reared. Even with shouldering the attacks the PPE absorbed.


What's the hold-up on the DNA of the remains that were found on a local beach that authorities assumed to be of Christine?

A womans remains (bones) were found recently by hunters at a boat ramp near "Dover" on Port Mahon Road, this area is where Christine Sheddy lived. The remains (bones) have been there so long that even the race of the womans remains are undetectable and DNA samples had to be lab tested. The results are estimated to be returned in 90 days so why is it taking so long for DNA results of the skull found on Assateague Island.



Although I'm literally hated for exposing the raw truth of the matter and sticking-up for the PCVFD I still to this day continue to search diligently for answers in this case of the missing mother.


This case will not go away. The good people of Pocomoke still want answers. They volunteered their precious time and monies on more than one occasion only to be chastised by the great hope in the end.

Local LE has worked overtime again and again with no answers. The suspects have moved about endlessly causing turmoil and chaos for others in their path only to return to Pocomoke.

We were told by the new hope "they were being interrogated". We were told "they were cooperating" and that "leads" and "witness's" were "coming forward". What did we get? A long series of embellishments and plagiarism compiled into chapters of who shot John (BS) for one reason and one reason only.

This "new hope", granted, has a silver tongue and even fooled me for a short period. So I don't place blame on those that hate me for exposing the "new hope". I had my hopes up as well and was blinded for a minute, but not much longer.


Where is the "new hope" now? What poor unsuspecting family is she chasing at present? What community is the "new hope" trying to segregate? Who is the "new hope" trying to sue? Which LE agency is being accused of a conspiracy? Yes the "new hope" still has a few of the lesser minded twisted around her little finger, but I bet that Christine's family has had second thoughts by now.


Through all the flack, attacks, and down right mean spirited nonsense we are still here and looking. We need no pat on the back. We need no recognition. We just want Christine found. Period! It's been too long.


Although we must face the facts that many have gone missing and have never been found, sad as it may be it's a reality.

Where is the hero that rode in on the white horse now?

We are still here!!

CANCELLATIONS/ VIRGINIA

Due the the inclimate weather,the following businesses, offices an events have been canceled or postponed:

Dr. Tyler Nichols Rabies Clinic at the Accomac Animal Hospital-Cancelled

Rabies H1N1 Clinic Greenbush Animal Hospital-Cancelled
-anyone who wants H1N1 vaccine can get one at the either Health Department M-F 8:30 AM to 11:00 AM or from 1:00 PM to 4:00 PM.

Eastern Shore Community College- Closed Saturday

Both Accomack County Landfills- Closed Saturday will reopen Monday February 1st

Al Accomack County Convenience Centers- Closed Saturday, will reopen Sunday January 31 at 12:00 Noon

Boys JV and Varsity Basketball games for Saturday January 31st- Postponed

Battle of Bands Scheduled Saturday, January 30- Postponed


Please note that other cancellations may follow..............



Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house- mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job..

Depending on your age you might do the following:


In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.




In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.


In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says,
'I Got Worms .'


In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dirt off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.


In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dirt on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.


In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.


In your 90's & beyond:

What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this?

Winter Storm Warning

The original forecasts predicting snowfall have come very short of what the meterologists are calling for currently. According to most, the Shore will see about an inch of snow Friday night and anywhere between 6-10 inches throughout the day Saturday. The chance of snowfall this weekend is 100%.

With that in mind, it important to take the following precautions. Make sure your vehicle is winter ready. Andy Linton, Service Manager at Midway Chevrolet in Pocomoke City, says if you are driving, it is important to make sure your car is snow ready.

Linton advises motorists, "If you have to go out in the snow, the best thing to do is to make sure your tires are properly inflated and have plenty of tread, all your lights are working properly and that you have a good set of wiper blades on your vehicle."

Linton also has pointers for you if you should get into an accident, "the best thing you can do is call a tow service. Dont try to push the car out, just turn on your hazard lights and call a tow service."

Linton added, the best thing to do is not to drive in these conditions.

If you should drive, be sure to keep a safe distance of at least five seconds behind other vehicles, be aware of potentially icy areas such as shady spots, bridges and overpasses. When driving on ice, dont slam on your brakes and turn slowly because sudden changes can cause your car to spin out of control. For the latest road conditions, stay tuned to WESR or call 511.




Do y'all have your fresh bread, milk, eggs and toilet paper? No? Better run and get it before we get a 1/2 inch of snow.

The National Weather Service has issued a winter storm warning for our area, we could get "up to 4 inches of snow" WOW!!!

When I was a youngun we used to get a foot a few times a year and that didn't stop us and we didn't see a car in the ditch every 1/2 mile. Now people run off the road while the roads are still clear, the falling snow must be hypnotizing.

We might get an inch or two, I hope we get 3 feet.

Anyway stay safe and enjoy the rare white stuff.

More On Skeletal Remains Found On Tangier




According to Sheriff Larry Giddens, on Wednesday, January 27, the Accomack County Sheriffs Office received a report from the Virginia Marine Police regarding skeletal remains that were found in a cardboard box near a dumpster on Tangier Island. The aged skeletal remains were transported by the Investigations Division to the Medical Examiners Office in Norfolk, Virginia.

Sheriff Giddens stated that the investigation is continuing. As of now, it is unclear who gathered the skeletal remains and why they placed them in a cardboard box.

Residents believe the remains found is an old grave that washed away from the neighboring island of Port Isobel. There is an old cemetery on the shoreline of Port Isobel, which has been eroding for quite some time now.


www.shoredailynews.com

Students Invited to Design Duck Stamp

CHINCOTEAGUE -- The Chincoteague National Wildlife Refuge invites students K-12 attending public, private, or home schools to participate in the 2010 Junior Duck Stamp Design Contest.

The competition is an art-based educational program that allows students to participate in a nationwide waterfowl arts competition. The process also exposes students to the nation's wealth of migratory waterfowl and motivates students to take active roles in conserving these species, said Virginia Junior Duck Stamp Program Coordinator Aubrey Hall.

Hall also emphasized that the program is meant to be a fun journey into the world of waterfowl. The artistic skill level of the students is not the focus of the contest.

All students entering the state contest will receive a Certificate of Participation. Entries may also receive prizes or honorable mention ribbons. The State Best of Show will represent Virginia in the national competition. National awards include a complimentary trip to the First Day of Duck Stamp Sales Ceremony in Washington, D.C. and a monetary award.

Participants select a bird from a list of native North American waterfowl. For more information, contact refuge staff or explore the Federal Duck Stamp Web site (http://www.fws.gov/juniorduck/).

Entries must be mailed to Chincoteague National Wildlife Refuge, P.O. Box 62, Chincoteague, Va. 23336 and postmarked by midnight, March 15. Judging will occur Friday, March 19.

www.easternshorenews.com


Withams, Va. Woman Wins Big On Scratch-Off


WITHAMS — A mid-January weekend may have seemed longer for Eileen Knobloch of Withams than for most people. State offices were closed Monday for Martin Luther King Day. She had a Virginia Lottery ticket worth $100,000 and she had to wait until Tuesday, the next business day, to redeem it.

“I kept it in a safe over the weekend when the offices were closed,” she told Lottery officials as she claimed her prize.

Knobloch scratched to win the top prize in the Face Cards game. She bought the winning ticket at Corner Videos at 6491 Lankford Highway in Oak Hall, Virginia.

When she discovered she had a top-prize-winning ticket, she told her children first. “They were thrilled to pieces,” she said.

This is the fifth top-prize winner redeemed in the Face Cards game, which means one $100,000 ticket remains unclaimed.

Nearly 95 cents of each dollar spent on the Virginia Lottery by players goes back to the Commonwealth in the form of contributions to education, prizes and retailer commissions. Since 1999, all Virginia Lottery profits have been designated solely to K-12 public school education in the Commonwealth. In that time, the Lottery has turned over more than $4 billion for Virginia’s public schools. The latest annual profits of $439.1 million currently represent about 7 percent of state funding for public education in Virginia. In 21 years, the Lottery has sold more than $21.1 billion in tickets, awarded more than $1.1 billion in retailer commissions and paid more than $11.6 billion in prizes to players.

http://www.easternshorenews.com/

Thursday, January 28, 2010

TANGIER: Skull and Human Bones Found in Box


By Carol Vaughn
Staff Writer

TANGIER ISLAND — A couple out for a ride Wednesday afternoon found a skull and other human bones in a cardboard box lying behind the town trash receptacles on the northern end of this Chesapeake Bay island.




The skeletal remains appear to be old and officials speculate they could have washed ashore from a cemetery on Uppards, a small uninhabited island just north of Tangier.

“It was not intact. The skull was there; there were definitely arms and ribs,” said Mayor James Eskridge, who was called to the scene. He informed Tangier police officer John Charnock and the Virginia Marine Resources Commission about the discovery.

“It was not an everyday thing,” he said of the grisly find.

Accomack County Sheriff Larry Giddens said Thursday morning he is sending an investigator to the island to examine the scene. Giddens said the remains will be taken to a forensic laboratory in Norfolk for further investigation.

Eskridge is curious about who gathered the bones and put them into the cardboard box, as well as why they would leave the remains behind the trash dump.

“They were definitely placed there,” he said, adding, “What the story is, I don’t know.”

The bones could have washed ashore on Tangier’s northern point after a grave on Uppards fell into the Chesapeake Bay, he said. The Uppards cemetery holds the remains of four families that once lived on the island. Graves there date from the 1800s to about 1930, Eskridge said.

Summertime visitors to Uppards in recent years have reported seeing human bones as they walked along the shoreline there, he said.

“I actually know one of the graves up there was an Eskridge...It was getting ready to go in the water,” Eskridge said. He had those remains reburied on Port Isobel, next to Tangier, because the deceased person likely was his relative.



http://www.delmarvanow.com/

This story should make a good conversation among the locals. If these bones are drifting from the island nearby isn't it time the state of Virginia does something about it?

Pocket Taser Stun Gun- A Great Gift for the Wife?

This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.

Last weekend I saw something at the Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary, and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The consequences of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse effects on her assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!



Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference -- pretty cute, really -- and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries, thinking to myself, "No possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it, master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!



I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a Taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative.

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there???

My triceps, right thigh, were still burning and twitching. My face felt as if it had been shot up with Novocain and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

Still in shock