HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM WHEN ON A BUDGET:
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place boots on your front porch, along with several empty beercans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine, and several NRA magazines.
3. Place a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad.
I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
P.S. I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside."
INSTALLATION COMPLETE!
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